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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "varimademe" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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02:33 pm
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waow
who knew I'd ever post again?
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12:23 am
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hahhahahahahaha
Antony: It's hard to find a good man
Fee: It's good to find a hard man
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02:09 pm
[Link] | 01/01/07
- If you want to be a hero create something, don't destroy yourself!
- Has your life been so unkind to you? Has the dark taken a shine to you?
04/01/07
This is tender and easily broken, please handle with care
08/01/07
Can't you ever lend a hand? Don't you even care? How could you ever understand! You weren't even there!
10/01/07
Looking back upon my life, I wasn't sane a single day.
Such is life and life is such that sometimes life can get too much
26/01/07
Paty!
29/01/07
My emotions are like silver waves glistening on the surface of the ocean on a misty winters morning. I can feel them, moving, changing, eveolving, but the haze obscures their true nature. I don't know what I want, but I do know that my greatest aspiration is to love my friends and those around me truly, and unconditionallyleaving to place left in my soul for biterness or resentment.
29/01/07
I Need A Hero @ Nice And Sleazys
30/01/07
The teacher will come when the student is ready to learn.
20-02-07
Amy - From the book of names by The Times, apparently Antonys r 50% more likely to play golf than most others, 60% more likely 2 b self employed and r most likely 2 drive a ford fiesta, accordin to a '05 study by churchill insurance =D also apparently ur name comes from the latin meaning "praiseworthy" ha ha ha, bet ur happy wit that derivative =P
06/03/07
so what is it that keeps you sinking instead of swimming ?
is it the thought that if you try to swin and you drown that will be another thing you've failed at... but you know, if you sink and drown you can think, "Well I never really tried to swim anyway so it doesn't really count..."
I dunno I think people play too much to avoid losing instead of playing to win, myself included, if you play to win you might lose but you might win. If you play to avoid losing you might not lose but you'll never win either.
You seem odd in a nice way, I find that nice... in an odd way... :)
Best wishes,
Antony
08/02/07
I should have fought for you instead of fighting you
15/02/07
and how I fought you instead of fighting for you
16/02/07
A world of too many songs that remind me of u.
16/02/07
Second in your heart
17/02/07
she's a tear that lies in my soul forever - too young to hold on, too old to just break free and run
22/02/07
this cannot be expressed in words, however, you know exactly what this means
23/02/07
i will go the extra mile for u
Lets perpetuate this illusion, shall we?
02/03/07
3rd Gig at the Vale
09/03/07
Audition at strathclyde
07/03/07
Sometimes we must uproot something to let something more beautiful grow in its place.
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07:27 pm
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December 31st
All in all I'm glad to close this chapter and I think New Year is the perfect way to do that.
2007 is an open book with pages begging to be filled with new adventures.
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04:43 pm
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The Execution
Cold. Blooded. Murder.
Thats what the death sentence is.
What does the law say? thou shalt not kill!
How does it say it? By killing!
The hypocrisy is rediculous.
650, 000 Iraqis died as a consequence of this war since 2003.
Who is getting tried for that?
In the 80s it was absolutely fine for Saddam to use chemical weapons supplied by the USA, and arranged by Donald Rumsfeld, to kill an untold number of Iranians.
When will Rumsfeld be tried for that??
This is some mo' bullshit.
There will always be those that say "he deserves it!"
I think this outlook is problematic.
For whatever reason Saddam felt justified in killing. So do some feel justified in killing Saddam.
Where do you draw the line? Whats the difference? When is killing justified and when is it not?
No. I don't believe it's possible to say "he deserves it but he doesn't"
I think killing is wrong, especially in cold blood - which is what an execution is.
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03:42 pm
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Eraser!!! WOOO!!!
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11:33 pm
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Me Snobbishly On Popular Culture
I wrote an article on this when I was having one of my email "discussions" (political arguments) with my dad. I don't see why all that time should go to waste so here you go, read or don't read.
this was sparked off by this hippy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOy3H4yyocQ&mode=related&search
Culture Is Not Your Friend (or something). This is actually two articles on completely different things.
Ok this is getting into a subject of discourse I find extremely interesting, so I hope you don't mind the long email.
I'm going to address what I percieve as your two main points one at a time.
1)
- Why on earth should he bring anything to do with the appreciation of culture, whether it be classical or modern hip hop stuff into his argument?
- To bring culture at whatever level, that has given so much joy to so many people into his argument only diminishes and belittles his case
I'd like to open my argument by stating that just because something is enjoyed does not mean it is beneficial. That should be self evident eg. cigarettes or heroine, but to cite a less extreme example, lets say marijuana (in the instance of its use as a passtime.)
Marijuana in this instance is completely comparable to popular "culture" such as the TV Show Big Brother. A lot of people gain enjoyment from partaking but it "dulls the mind" of he who partakes. This kind of popular culture insults and partonizes the consumer: "You life is boring, what better do you have to do?" - goes equally for marijuana as "reality tv."
Either activity is undergone at the expense of the person in question engaging in activities that will expand their mind.
There are many theories as to why anyone might stand for such a base and insulting level of "culture." Some would blame education and upbringing. Others might say the consumers are inherantly weak minded or lazy.
A marxist might argue that to some people the pressures of life in our current society are such that in their leisure time they don't want to engage in activities that require them to expend energy, thus they use this time to escape from both boredom AND activity. (See Frankfurt Institute for Social Research)
This may be a good argument in some cases and not in others. Take what you might call a "layabout." This individual has no pressures upon him, yet he may well find himself glued to daytime television day after day... even in this instance though we find that after a while the telly starts to drive just about anyone nuts. I would posit that this is because the viewer starts to realise unconsciously that what they are viewing is insulting to their nature as an actualised and extremely intelligent animal.
I'm not certain what is the reason is for the popularity of what I would deem "regressive culture" (eg. I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, Jerry Springer, Nike, The Gap, The Backstreet Boys, etc.) but I am certain that Regressive Culture Exists, and that is the point that I am making here. It is not beneficial to the consumer, and it is possibly even detrimental to society.
2)
-there are undeniably many injustices in the world and many improvements can, with sound and considered policies on a worldwide scale introduced by the world's leaders. But with the crazy mindset of the fundamentalist leader of Iran, the President of Venezuela, Robert Mugabwe and a swathe of other African totalitarianists on the one side that's difficult task to achieve (sorry for the understatement!).
This is an entirely different issue and it is one that deserves rather more attention than I am willing to give it at the moment after having just written that last article.
First of all, I think a history lesson is required to understand the current situation:
The west is responsible for virtually every despot that has come to power in the last century.
I will repeat that statement:
The west is responsible for virtually every despot that has come to power in the last century.
There is an old christian saying "don't look for the chip in someone elses eye when you have a log in your own," and this is extremely relevant to the current line of argument.
In many countries with extremely oppressive regemes there is the will for revolution. But we (the UK) actually train the anti-insurgent forces of these countries. We get paid to make sure that a just order doesn't arise in these countries ruled by the kind of filthy corrupt leaders you describe.
I'm sure you know already our part in bringing Rober Mugabe to power (as well as Saddam and the Taleban amongst others.) We are also not guiltless in the creation of the current situation in Iran, having played one side off the other prior to the first gulf war for the personal benefit of our military industry.
What then of the African totalitarians?
Well, third world countries are generally places that are rich in natural resources but for some insane reason all the profits from the consumption of those resources are enjoyed by people who don't live in those countries who somehow managed to steal ownership of them.
The Third World is not a naturally occuring phenomenon, it was created. By our leaders.
Our politicians kept the "African totalitarians" in power all this time for their own ends.
Returning to the quote "don't look for the chip in someone elses eye when you have a log in your own," I am far more concerned about the rise of totalitarianism in the country I am living in and our hegemon, America. This was of concern to me 5 years ago and all I've seen happen in those 5 years is my concerns further justified as law after law is passed to circumvent our most valued civil liberties.
pheeeeeeew, I hope this wasn't too painful for you,
best wishes,
Antony
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10:45 pm
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omg wtf
I had a psychotic episode this morning around 6.10am it was extremely frightening.
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12:53 pm
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Me and my tact
Ant: what are you studying now?
Lindz: Sound engineering
Ant: I'm currently studying the effects of this malibu+cranbury juice on my sobriety
Lindz: lol
Ant: I'm noticing an inverse correlation
Ant: it's a good one
Lindz:i'm having a strongly worded "Discussion" with my boyfriend
Ant: ah I see
Ant: an argument
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11:13 pm
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7 albums in 7 days
Ant: one day I'm going to write 7 albums in 7 days
Scott: one question....are they doing to be 7 amazing albums>?
Ant: hahah no 7 average albums quickly thrown together
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05:11 pm
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She...
She's always there for me,
She cheers me up whenever I'm in a bad mood,
She'd never cheat on me or break my heart,
She never lies or goes in a huff,
I can hang out with her for as long as I want and she never gets bored or tired of me at all...
...And if I don't feel in the mood to hang out with her she's not so clingy that she'd take it personally or get upset...
She is, of course, my piano :)
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11:39 pm
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You are wretched and you're mean, You're abraisive and obscene, You're horrible, and nasty too...
...I can't get enough of you!
Ant: this would be a cool chorus for a glam rock song
Alan: IM NOT BEING IN A GLAM ROCK BAND!
Ant: welll fuuuuuck you I'll peddle my eyeliner elsewhere
----------Some Fun Discussing Theology----------
Ken: would you rather be god's worst enemy or completely no existent
Ken: assuming the big chap exists
Ant: surely that would make me satan
Ant: which means I'd have a wicked cool fiery realm of my own
Ken: though if Satan takes all the nasty folk then surely God is reliant on him to make heaven so lovely
Ant: yeah true
Ant: very reliant
Ken: so they must be in cahoots rather than worst enemies i'd say
Ant: maybe no one actually gets sent to hell and so he just needs to wallow there alone
Ken: plus Satan was supposedly an angel at one point wasn't he?
Ant: he fell
Ken: in a certain respect
Ant: down to the fiery depths
Ken: depends which bible you're reading
Ken: if it's the christian one he was an angel who got a bit unruley
Ant: oh did he not tell god to fuck off and fdo his own dirty work?
Ken: eh not quite
Ant: basically he was sick of being the harbinger of sorrow
Ant: angel of death rather
Ant: and said piss off am not doing it anymore
Ken: that sounds viable actually
Ken: im basing my knowledge on the Peter Cook film Bedazzled
Ant: and god told him welll FUUUUUUCK you then get down to hell
Ken: which suggests it was satans arrogance that got him banished
Ken: rather than laziness
Ant: personally I sympathise with satan, I wouldn't want to be the angel of death
Ant: this God doesn't sound that loving all of a sudden
Ken: dunno Satan shouldnt have went around speaking through Serpents to be fair
Ken: if you're God you've got to take a strong hand with those types, or else they'll be speaking through giraffes before you know it
Ant: point
Ken: i'm now on wikipedia researching satan
Ken: the Angel of Death is his role in jewish theology
Ken: or at least thats how he's interpreted
Ant: right
Ant: now The Old Testament is still a testament of both the Christian and Muslim faiths
Ken: christians believe he was an angel to proud to bow to god
Ant: so which is right if both are testaments of god in the eys of a christian?
Ken: dunno this is all fairly new to me
Ken: maybe its an inconsistency
Ken: apparently theres plenty of those
Ant: yeah like "an eye for an eye" and "turn the cheek"
Ken: yeah and apparently the disciples all had different angles to how they wanted to portray jesus and it ended up with quite contrasting accounts of the same event
Ant: hrm
----------And Glasgow----------
Carine: so what's planned for tomorrow?
Ant: well my plans are to get up at 6 in the morning and embark on a quest
Carine: ooooo! a quest!
Carine: go on!
Ant: in the early hours I shall stalk the streets of newlands until I come upon the monolith...
Ant: ...that which is more widely know as "the bus stop" ...
Carine: ah...:P
Ant: and from that point I shall be picked up by a magical vehicle, able to traverse large distances at a greater spped than any human
Ant: this vehicle... more often know as "the bus"
Carine: NO WAY!
Ant: this so-called "bus" shall take me right into the very heart of the horrible, sordid badlands best knows as "Glasgow"
Ant: many strange creatures inhabit the heart of the badlands
Ant: some harmless, such as the big issue vendors
Ant: others hazerdous, such as the neds and junkies
Carine: hahahaha
Ant: I shall avoid these creatures as a bad encounter with one may be deadly
Ant: and I shall hasten to the apointed place where which I shall embark on yet another journey in a "bus"
Ant: and finally I shall arrive at the place where knowledge is obtained...
Ant: ...The College
Carine: not the collage!!!!
Carine: poor you ant! that sounds like a really horrid journey!
Carine: and at 6 in the morning!
Carine: poor poor you!
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01:00 pm
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On This, the 5th Anniversary of 9/11, let us remember these 9 things:
ONE:
An airliner almost certainly did not hit The Pentagon.
Hard physical evidence supports this conclusion; among other things, the hole in the Pentagon was considerably smaller than an airliner would create. The building was thus presumably hit by something smaller, possibly a missile, or a drone or, less possibly, a smaller manned aircraft.
( see more )
TWO: The North and South Towers of the World Trade Center almost certainly did not collapse and fall to earth because hijacked aircraft hit them. A plane did not hit Building 7 of the Center, which also collapsed. All three were most probably destroyed by controlled demolition charges placed in the buildings before 9/11.( see more )
1535^oC melting point of Iron
1510^oC melting point of Steel
825oC maximum temperature of hydrocarbon fires burning in the atmosphere
THREE: For at least one hour and 45 minutes after the hijacking of the first aircraft was known, U.S. air defense authorities failed to take meaningful action. This strikes some “conspiracy theorists” as circumstancial evidence that the U.S. Air Force was deliberately restrained from acting.
FOUR: Some of the theorists believe that the 19 named hijackers were not actually the hijackers. One claim is that the names of the hijackers were not on the passenger lists of any of the four aircraft.
FIVE: None of the 19 hijackers’ bodies were ever autopsied (since they were allegedly totally destroyed in the crashes, including even the people in the Pennsylvania crash).
SIX: At least five of the alleged hijackers (or persons with identical names) have since turned up alive in the Middle East. Nonetheless, the FBI has never bothered to re-investigate or revise the list of hijackers. Does this suggest that the FBI knows that no one in the administration is interested in reopening any further investigations?
SEVEN: Numerous pilots have allegedly told the theorists that none of the 19 hijackers could have flown the airliners well enough to hit the World Trade Center towers and the Pentagon with as much accuracy as was displayed. The debate on this issue simply raises more doubt about the government’s charge that the people it has named as hijackers are the real hijackers.
EIGHT: No one, except possibly government investigators who are not talking, has seen the plane that went down in Pennsylvania.( see more )
NINE: Machinations in the U.S. stock market in the days before 9/11 suggest that some inside players in the market knew or suspected that United and American Airlines stock would soon drop. Two of the four of the aircraft involved in 9/11 were, or course, United planes and the other two were American Airlines planes.
It should be reemphasized that these items do not make up a complete list of all the charges made by the theorists, but they are a good sample. Anyone interested in perhaps the best summary of these charges should watch the video “Loose Change.”
http://www.loosechange911.com/
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07:00 pm
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So then what happened?
Well, after my night in Harlem I spent the day travelling down to a place in South New Jersey called Manahawkin where I met with my friend Amanda and her family and stayed with them a few days.
One day was sepent at a wicked cool airshow in Atlantic City where I saw all sorts of military aircraft pull stunts and do cool stuff. (Yes I know it's ironic for an anti-militarist such as myself to watch such an airshow, but hey, the better they're doing stunts than bombing people.)
Most of the rest of my time in NJ was spent vegging out and watching DVDs to be honest, I didn't do an awful lot.
Thereafter it was back to Manhatten! I stayed with some friends of my parents there and explored for a few days, but to be honest it's a bit to built up for my tastes. On the monday I popped back in for a second socialist meeting and that was also very good, they were so pleased to see me and like "oh we didn't think you'd be back, etc. etc." really cool time!
Anyway, now I'm back, and it's good to be back coz enough is enough. :)
Now I have a very busy college schedual.
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01:15 pm
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So Antony, What happened when you left camp?
I thought you'd never ask!!
Well, I took the bus that ILC organised to New York, jumped on the underground with my Polish friend Raphael (Raphy), got lost and then took a taxi to the hostel we had booked in Harlem.
While exploring the immediate vicinity I came across a bookshop named Freedom Hall, and there in the window infront of me were various books on lefftist ideology ranging from books written by Leon Trotsky to more modern stuff and basically my jaw dropped.
In I went, and it turns out that this is a bookshop specialising in political writing, there were sections on feminism, environmentalism, communism, etc., etc., etc.
So I get talking to the lady and it turns out that this is the local home base of a feminist activist group named New York Radical Women and their sister organisation the Freedom Socialist Party. These groups organised demonstrations and protests and ran in local elections respectively.
It turned out there was a "Study Group" on that very evening and she asked me to stay.
It was awesome! They had a publication from the Freedom Socialist Party and they went through an article discussing it as we went, going off on all sorts of political tangeants. Basically a bunch of lefties sharing knowledge and ideas...
...more on my adventures tomorrow...
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06:45 pm
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I believe in miracles now...
...I know I really should have updated with all the happenings but I was never bothered!
I'll try to get round to it...
...let me just say that right now I feel so blessed because a miracle has happened to my voice... wow...
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01:40 am
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a little bit of truth
George Carlin - Who Controls America?
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05:37 pm
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I am the best - legit!
I discovered a new talent:
I am capable of playing bass guitar, keyboard AND singing all at once.
IT'S TRUE! I'm even performing I'll Stand By You by The Pretenders ON MY OWN tonight at the second ever ILC Woodstock... all I now need are drum pedals!
I was practicing today and one of my friends came in, he must have thoguht there was a band rehearsing.... he stopped, stared, looked me up and down and just went... "Thats amazing"
it was for real the funniest thing thats happened all day.
GOD I'M TALENTED
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09:27 pm
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A Rash Of Enthusiasm
Welcome to Session #4!!!
I felt quite burnt out for a lot of #3 but there were some definate highlihgts.
Rock Woodstock. I really enjoyed MCing this, but most of all I enjoyed performing Break On Through...
...we TORE THE PLACE APART, they frikking LOVED it!
Performance Day. We had the usual rock show shinanigans. This time I was playing bass in a band and we performed Private Eye by Alkaline Trio... I altered the bassline because the one on the CD is intensely boring but I hit so many bum notes though, it didn't matter - no one was listening to the bass - I was too busy ROCKING THE HELL OUT for anyone to care... we were actually one of the most exciting bands on that upstaged by only the final act who was an incredably energetic metal slosh fest with a bit too much enthusiasm to be bested. We also had the unfair advantage of 3 councilors to 1 camper.
Now at the beginning of Session #4 I feel a much more relaxed atmosphere that the intensity of #3. There are around 100 less kids this session (a sixth less) and it's good to be able to actually move in the dining hall. Everyone knows they've got 2 more weeks to go and wants to make the best of it!
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09:33 pm
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What would you do if I sang out of tune?
The good news is I have been asked to MC and evening event called ILC Woodstock where the Rock Shop staff here put on a music festival for the camp.
It happened like this...
...once every two weeks the parents come and look around camp and see their children performing in various departments eg. magic, theatre, rockshop, dance, variety show, etc. etc. etc. We call this "Performance Day."
Every Performance Day at Rock Shop we have the kids play a show, there are 8-14 bands each session and each plays between 1 and 3 songs. Rock Shop Staff each go up and introduce one, maybe two of the bands and usually when i go up to do this I have a bit of banter and get the crowd going... I love the feeling of being the entertainer and getting a response from the audience so i really enjoy this opportunity...
Last nights Evening Activity was called Departmental Showcase, where the STAFF of some of the aforementioned departments do a 20 minute, rockshop being no exception. Since I wasn't playing in any of the bands I went up to do a solo piece, but not without a chirp on the mic first:
Antony: Hello Everybody
Crowd: Cheers!!
Antony: Ok, this is where I'm ment to show off, but you guys don't want to see that do you?
Crowd: More Cheers!!!
Antony: You do???? Well Alright Then!!
Antony: First though, I have to ask you all a question
Antony: # Do you neeeeeeed anybody? #
Crowd: # I need somebody to love #
Antony: # Could it beeeee anybody?? #
Crowd: # I just want someone to love #
Antony: Cool, Lets play some blues!!
Anyway in the evening Budd, the head of music had a chat with me and said "You're really good at MCing, you get the crowd going and everything. I'm crap at it I just talk really fast and don't really know what to say so you can MC ILC Woodstock if you want"
I almost cried.
Do in the meantime I've been thinking of some funny things to say and nice ways to introduce the bands etc.
Later kiddies xxx
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