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Welcome To My Darkness Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "varimademe" journal:

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March 19th, 2009
02:33 pm


who knew I'd ever post again?

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July 11th, 2007
12:23 am


Antony: It's hard to find a good man
Fee: It's good to find a hard man

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March 18th, 2007
02:09 pm


- If you want to be a hero create something, don't destroy yourself!

- Has your life been so unkind to you? Has the dark taken a shine to you?

This is tender and easily broken, please handle with care

Can't you ever lend a hand? Don't you even care? How could you ever understand! You weren't even there!

Looking back upon my life, I wasn't sane a single day.

Such is life and life is such that sometimes life can get too much


My emotions are like silver waves glistening on the surface of the ocean on a misty winters morning. I can feel them, moving, changing, eveolving, but the haze obscures their true nature. I don't know what I want, but I do know that my greatest aspiration is to love my friends and those around me truly, and unconditionallyleaving to place left in my soul for biterness or resentment.

I Need A Hero @ Nice And Sleazys

The teacher will come when the student is ready to learn.

Amy - From the book of names by The Times, apparently Antonys r 50% more likely to play golf than most others, 60% more likely 2 b self employed and r most likely 2 drive a ford fiesta, accordin to a '05 study by churchill insurance =D also apparently ur name comes from the latin meaning "praiseworthy" ha ha ha, bet ur happy wit that derivative =P

so what is it that keeps you sinking instead of swimming ?

is it the thought that if you try to swin and you drown that will be another thing you've failed at... but you know, if you sink and drown you can think, "Well I never really tried to swim anyway so it doesn't really count..."

I dunno I think people play too much to avoid losing instead of playing to win, myself included, if you play to win you might lose but you might win. If you play to avoid losing you might not lose but you'll never win either.

You seem odd in a nice way, I find that nice... in an odd way... :)

Best wishes,


I should have fought for you instead of fighting you

and how I fought you instead of fighting for you

A world of too many songs that remind me of u.

Second in your heart

she's a tear that lies in my soul forever - too young to hold on, too old to just break free and run

this cannot be expressed in words, however, you know exactly what this means

i will go the extra mile for u

Lets perpetuate this illusion, shall we?

3rd Gig at the Vale

Audition at strathclyde

Sometimes we must uproot something to let something more beautiful grow in its place.

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December 31st, 2006
07:27 pm


December 31st
All in all I'm glad to close this chapter and I think New Year is the perfect way to do that.
2007 is an open book with pages begging to be filled with new adventures.

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December 30th, 2006
04:43 pm


The Execution
Cold. Blooded. Murder.
Thats what the death sentence is.

What does the law say? thou shalt not kill!
How does it say it? By killing!

The hypocrisy is rediculous.
650, 000 Iraqis died as a consequence of this war since 2003.
Who is getting tried for that?

In the 80s it was absolutely fine for Saddam to use chemical weapons supplied by the USA, and arranged by Donald Rumsfeld, to kill an untold number of Iranians.
When will Rumsfeld be tried for that??

This is some mo' bullshit.

There will always be those that say "he deserves it!"
I think this outlook is problematic.

For whatever reason Saddam felt justified in killing. So do some feel justified in killing Saddam.
Where do you draw the line? Whats the difference? When is killing justified and when is it not?

No. I don't believe it's possible to say "he deserves it but he doesn't"
I think killing is wrong, especially in cold blood - which is what an execution is.

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December 29th, 2006
03:42 pm


Eraser!!! WOOO!!!
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

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December 20th, 2006
11:33 pm


Me Snobbishly On Popular Culture
I wrote an article on this when I was having one of my email "discussions" (political arguments) with my dad. I don't see why all that time should go to waste so here you go, read or don't read.

this was sparked off by this hippy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOy3H4yyocQ&mode=related&search
Culture Is Not Your Friend (or something). This is actually two articles on completely different things.

Ok this is getting into a subject of discourse I find extremely interesting, so I hope you don't mind the long email.

I'm going to address what I percieve as your two main points one at a time.

- Why on earth should he bring anything to do with the appreciation of culture, whether it be classical or modern hip hop stuff into his argument?
- To bring culture at whatever level, that has given so much joy to so many people into his argument only diminishes and belittles his case

I'd like to open my argument by stating that just because something is enjoyed does not mean it is beneficial. That should be self evident eg. cigarettes or heroine, but to cite a less extreme example, lets say marijuana (in the instance of its use as a passtime.)

Marijuana in this instance is completely comparable to popular "culture" such as the TV Show Big Brother. A lot of people gain enjoyment from partaking but it "dulls the mind" of he who partakes. This kind of popular culture insults and partonizes the consumer: "You life is boring, what better do you have to do?" - goes equally for marijuana as "reality tv."

Either activity is undergone at the expense of the person in question engaging in activities that will expand their mind.

There are many theories as to why anyone might stand for such a base and insulting level of "culture." Some would blame education and upbringing. Others might say the consumers are inherantly weak minded or lazy.
A marxist might argue that to some people the pressures of life in our current society are such that in their leisure time they don't want to engage in activities that require them to expend energy, thus they use this time to escape from both boredom AND activity. (See Frankfurt Institute for Social Research)

This may be a good argument in some cases and not in others. Take what you might call a "layabout." This individual has no pressures upon him, yet he may well find himself glued to daytime television day after day... even in this instance though we find that after a while the telly starts to drive just about anyone nuts. I would posit that this is because the viewer starts to realise unconsciously that what they are viewing is insulting to their nature as an actualised and extremely intelligent animal.

I'm not certain what is the reason is for the popularity of what I would deem "regressive culture" (eg. I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, Jerry Springer, Nike, The Gap, The Backstreet Boys, etc.) but I am certain that Regressive Culture Exists, and that is the point that I am making here. It is not beneficial to the consumer, and it is possibly even detrimental to society.

-there are undeniably many injustices in the world and many improvements can, with sound and considered policies on a worldwide scale introduced by the world's leaders. But with the crazy mindset of the fundamentalist leader of Iran, the President of Venezuela, Robert Mugabwe and a swathe of other African totalitarianists on the one side that's difficult task to achieve (sorry for the understatement!).

This is an entirely different issue and it is one that deserves rather more attention than I am willing to give it at the moment after having just written that last article.
First of all, I think a history lesson is required to understand the current situation:
The west is responsible for virtually every despot that has come to power in the last century.

I will repeat that statement:
The west is responsible for virtually every despot that has come to power in the last century.

There is an old christian saying "don't look for the chip in someone elses eye when you have a log in your own," and this is extremely relevant to the current line of argument.

In many countries with extremely oppressive regemes there is the will for revolution. But we (the UK) actually train the anti-insurgent forces of these countries. We get paid to make sure that a just order doesn't arise in these countries ruled by the kind of filthy corrupt leaders you describe.

I'm sure you know already our part in bringing Rober Mugabe to power (as well as Saddam and the Taleban amongst others.) We are also not guiltless in the creation of the current situation in Iran, having played one side off the other prior to the first gulf war for the personal benefit of our military industry.

What then of the African totalitarians?

Well, third world countries are generally places that are rich in natural resources but for some insane reason all the profits from the consumption of those resources are enjoyed by people who don't live in those countries who somehow managed to steal ownership of them.

The Third World is not a naturally occuring phenomenon, it was created. By our leaders.
Our politicians kept the "African totalitarians" in power all this time for their own ends.

Returning to the quote "don't look for the chip in someone elses eye when you have a log in your own," I am far more concerned about the rise of totalitarianism in the country I am living in and our hegemon, America. This was of concern to me 5 years ago and all I've seen happen in those 5 years is my concerns further justified as law after law is passed to circumvent our most valued civil liberties.

pheeeeeeew, I hope this wasn't too painful for you,

best wishes,


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October 4th, 2006
10:45 pm


omg wtf
I had a psychotic episode this morning around 6.10am it was extremely frightening.

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October 3rd, 2006
12:53 pm


Me and my tact
Ant: what are you studying now?
Lindz: Sound engineering
Ant: I'm currently studying the effects of this malibu+cranbury juice on my sobriety
Lindz: lol
Ant: I'm noticing an inverse correlation
Ant: it's a good one

Lindz:i'm having a strongly worded "Discussion" with my boyfriend
Ant: ah I see
Ant: an argument

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September 27th, 2006
11:13 pm


7 albums in 7 days
Ant: one day I'm going to write 7 albums in 7 days
Scott: one question....are they doing to be 7 amazing albums>?
Ant: hahah no 7 average albums quickly thrown together

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